Randonmess(Entrophy) of THoughts

LIfe seems to be more than a journey these days.To contemplate whence my journey begun,where am being lead to what I have achieved is like jumping in pond full of clay,making it turbid.My childhood days began with two of my best friends.Like every other kid,we spent together loitering around the streets everyday with our most proud possession-hercules bicycle.Our typical vacation days begin at 6.00 a.m cycling around the streets plucking flowers with a scissor especially when the owner of the house is not seen around the balcony.Many a times i was the victim to get bathed in ditch water.Swindling a rose from a neighbours garden was more than an achievement those days,the proven way of displaying our superiority.My buddies sangi and kavi,played greater part of my childhood days.People in our streets tagged us as mupperum deviyar.The best part of it was maargazhi(dec) masam as those are the days we carry kodams filled with water to bathe Lord VInayaga.We were told that we will get caring husband if we do so.(:-))But the real intention of ours was that everyday we get hot prasadams ; chats and gossips over prasadams is the most interesting stuff..The admonishing half yearly exams were only secondary when it comes to our meet and gossips.we tried all stuffs right from frying raw guava(the most tried receipe),to celebrating pongal with an used kulfi ice cream pot..Once kavi' grandma tried her level best to hit with a broomstick as the terrace caught fire with our attempt to cook rice.The rehearsals of running families,reciting school poetries,enacting dramas,non stop boasting about the stationaries we own(kavi always win as her dada brings funky stuffs from dubai!),playing ludo,tennis,hide and seek till the watchman accompanies to our respective houses.Once we got caught redhanded by a granny from whose house we plucked a sack full of raw mangoes,we all fell from atop of a tree in a bid to escape that failed miserably.Days passed like this,the bonding between us slowly vanished due to the tenth class board exams..Later on studies became a priority.Sangi & kavi found a seat in engineering colleges.Owing to my family situation I opted out a private science college for my higher studies.
My degree life was not so memorable one though I have a good set of friends somehow I was not very interested with the people and the lecturers at that time.Added to this was my dada's ill health.Three years passed like a hell.I managed to finish my degree.Though I lost my dad,the feeling of tasting success was burning ghastly inside me.somehow I joined post grad,with a sigh of relief that I will finish it in three months.Presently some kind of mysterious thoughts are riddling my mind.How wonderful life will be when all our thoughts materialises!!Some sort of happiness in watching the birds chirp,movements of tree branches,the multicolored sky,a begger sharing his food with dog..The kindness of nature is immediately spotted wherever my eyes gleans on it.Hoping, wishing that maybe there might be newness of thought, tranquility of the mind and sanctity of being that can come to pass.Watching how randomly the thoughts shift from one form to another and to start off not knowing the destination.Does it really worth pondering over?or it is worthless?Useless?senseless?Hopeless?Mysterious?Funny?Nonsensical?Humourous?Is it a symphony of nature or cacophony of the whimsical world?.
Here it goes my eyes gaze on monitor..Fingers on the keyboard?mind on the waving window screen and the rainbow of colors reflected by the window.Wait a moment...the leaves of the tree near the building enter and exit in pattern of time..when these thoughts preoccupy am i conscious of myself?How does the senses work in harmony to bring a sense of fulfillment or agony?where all these thoughts are ultimately leading me?And have we set out on a journey to figure ourselves out or is this to go through whatever that life might through you but just be like the clouds? To rise up? And be?--All these are pre esigned or some director is guiding the show?Whatever may be the reason,the orderliness,the patterns,the intricacies which it is made off is mindboggling to give a thought.There comes the question of controlling the senses,thought flows,that is known to be possible for a saint.Even if a saint practices this form of exercise what will be substituted for thoughts.Is it emptiness?Nothingness?Eeriness?Mysteriousness?.If so what is nothingness?Can anybody out there explain wat is nothingness?